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The Visitors - Kairn and Sherla

 

      Before we could tell what was going on in people's lives with the click of a button, we used to do this thing called "visiting". It was weird. You went to someone's house, often unannounced, and you talked about the weather, or gossiped about your friends, or reminisced about old times. We can still do that, but it is very time consuming and gas is $1.42 a litre. So, quite frankly, why bother?

     I guess I did it for the nostalgia. Kairn texted me earlier this week to suggest a "visit" with Alison, whom she had not seen for several years. Thanks to facebook, Kairn doesn't have to see Alison; she can just "like" it when Alison updates her status or posts a funny picture of a cat. Alison, however, "commented" on Kairn's facebook that she should "stop by". Therefore, Kairn texted me to suggest a real life "visit".

I grow weary of these "quotation marks"!

     Alright, we'll do this visiting thing. I woke up early Saturday morning, eager to start the day. Then I said, "fuck that" and laid down on the kitchen floor for a nap. Around 10 a.m., I hear loud voices in my dooryard and my dog bursts out the front door all barky and growly. I didn't even know she could open the screen door. Hm. It is Kairn and her mom just checking out the chickens (my four chickens are growing so big, btw! I am very excited about fresh eggs and I love my little girls!).

Muffy in the Chicken Coop with Parm, Kiev, Tandoori and Nugget

      I dragged my ass off the kitchen floor and go out with my hair all frizzy, wearing a maxi skirt and a ratty, old sweatshirt - no bra - to greet my guests.

    I can barely form a sentence because I am so tired. But, the gist of the conversation is - Kairn will be back soon to embark on our visit. Good. I'm ready... Or, I will be.

     Took Muffy to the park because if I go visiting without her, she will probably destroy yet another pair of shoes. By the time we get back, Kairn is waiting in the driveway. I facebook Alison to let her know I am on my way and she should put the kettle on... or whatever she needs to do to have company.

     Meanwhile, Kairn and I stop for ice and booze because it is a beautiful, hot summer day and you never know when a party might break out. Actually, we are going on what is known locally as a "Horn Trip" (more quotes). A horn trip involves driving around all of the "horns" on the island where we live, usually while drinking. What the hell are horns, anyway? This was a topic of discussion for the liquor store...

     "We're going on a horn trip," Kairn declared at the checkout counter.

     "I haven't been on a horn trip in years!" says the guy ahead of us.

     "Well, technically, we aren't drinking on this horn trip," I clarify. "We are driving and THEN we are going to drink. But, how do I explain "Horns" to people on my blog? What do regular people call horns?"

     No one seemed to know. But, everyone knows now because I pointed out on the map and yelled all through the liquor store that "horns", according to a map of Prince Edward County, are more commonly referred to as "points"! We were going on a "Point Trip"!

That does not have the same ring to it. It also implies that we will be pointing to things along the way. While that may be entirely true, it sounds boring and a Horn Trip is never boring.

     The first point we headed towards was actually a Port. Northport, to be exact, where Alison lives with her cat Bethany, who was having her fifteenth birthday. There wasn't any cake :(

     On arrival, Alison offers us coffee, tea or wine (as per the rules of visiting). She was drinking wine, it was at least 11 a.m., so I had a glass of wine, too. What the hell? It's not every day that one's cat turns 15! We proceeded to discuss the usual topics - work, family, love and the good ole days. In that order. All the while, the neighbours are installing what sounds like a test area for jack hammers. Seriously, use a shovel for whatever shitty, bourgeois, dedication to suburbia you are currently erecting and let the rest of the world enjoy a quiet Saturday morning, ya freaks! Gawd, I hate people who give a shit about their landscaping!

     Speaking of neighbours, Alison used to have neighbours who were really weird. Like, right out of an episode of Jerry Springer kind of weird. The subject of this particular episode is "My boyfriend fell in love with my mother, who doesn't have any teeth". Anyway, they were evicted and left the house in a mess, complete with months of garbage bags and rotting meat from the freezer attracting rats to the basement. A nice young couple have since moved in and gutted the place. They make sauerkraut and sell it in Toronto.

     I'm not kidding you! Check out the website http://www.pyramidfarmandferments.com.

     Alison says the sauerkraut is quite good and I didn't know she was ever really into sauerkraut. She was into having the best parties at her house on Glenora Road! We got out the photo albums at this point in our visit so we could re-live the good times we had. Gawd, I was good looking 20 years ago! What happened? We were all little hawties in our acid-washed jeans and high-waisted shorts. Kairns hair was down below her ass and curly, curly, curly. Alison used to shave the sides of her head and spike up her naturally blond hair. She wore a pink, satin dress to prom. There were pics of Christine before she developed the biggest set of knockers this side of the Bay of Quinte. Sheri was wearing an itty, bitty bikini at Edgewater Park, which is where Alison and Kairn jumped on two people inside a small tent and destroyed an inflatable Slush Puppy. All the guys were skinny, pimple-faced teenagers, too. Sooooo long ago. We had so much fun, but now we have reached our quota of fun, I guess.

     Two hours later, we were back on the road on our way to Green Point. Kairn was going to let the dog out: Molly was good. She peed. She pooped. She sniffed. We were back on Highway 49 heading to the Loyalist Parkway and Lake on the Mountain with a stop at MacFarland Park to see the house Sheri just bought. It was big. And blue. Nice.

     On Bongard's Crossroad, we had wood-fired pizzas and cider cocktails at The County Cider Company (http://www.countycider.com). Kairn doesn't like cider, so I drank her cocktail. We did get to visit briefly with Tanya, who I hadn't seen for years. She had the most amazing body back in high school. I can't decide if I was more jealous or attracted. Either way, she has aged well. I also saw former co-workers and my friend's oldest son, whose first day on the job was Saturday! Exciting! The sun was hot, the cider was cold and the pizza was yummy.

     Next stop was home to pick up Muffy before heading to Long Point for a visit with Dannle! Dannle is staying at a cottage on Half Moon Bay that is just beautiful and I am definitely jealous. She showed us pictures from the night before. Her boyfriend was celebrating his 39th birthday, face down in a cake shaped like a vagina. It was very anatomically correct for something made out of fondant. Although, the clitoris was unusually large in my opinion. Anyway, not something you see everyday... a cake made to look like lady parts.

     We convinced Muffy to take her first official swim in South Bay. Dannle pushed her gently into the water and then Kairn pulled her into the deeper water where she dog paddled her little heart out. I was very proud. It was a good day. I am happy to stick to facebook for most of my news, but you can't beat face time for the best experiences.