My Daughter the Life Coach

Gift from my landlord

My daughter texted me tonight. She was happy about a random event; just an old song on the radio being played at the right time is enough for her, I guess - and she wanted to share it with me. I get that way too, sometimes. Especially when food and/or beer is involved.

In response to her exuberance for a good Adele song, I said that life was shit because I have no heat, I have no hot water, I haven't showered in two days and I have to work in the morning. The landlord gave me an electric heater and basically told me to hunker down until Monday.

So Alex says to me, "You don't play alot of video games, mom, so maybe you don't know: If you're fighting enemies, you can tell you're going the right way." How fucking profound is that!!?? It has completely changed my state of mind. To put it another way, "Kites rise highest against the wind."

It has NOT been a great couple of months for me. I'm pretty lonely here in Cambridge, ON, with no friends, no family... just long hours reading underwhelming library books and checking facebook. I've had three different employers in three months and about seven interviews, including the one wherein I stared at the interviewers crotch the entire time. Who leans back in their seat during a business interview, wearing tight slacks with their legs spread and some serious moose knuckle going on? Needless to say, they did not hire me and it's just as well because I would never get any work done with that kind of distraction.

My crooked pottery

At least my financial situation is such that I can (now) afford a couple of outings during the week. I've taken some pottery courses, I've heard some good live bands and I've even taken a dancing class. Men Without Hats told me, "We can dance if we want to. We've Got all your life and mine. As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it. Everything will work out right." But they lied. Everything did not work out right.

In fact, someone touched me with clammy hands. Someone smelled like Aqua Velva. Someone, who was an amateur expert in ballroom dancing AND being a douche, said my arms were too limp and my frame was bad. And, quite frankly, I will never be comfortable doing a body roll with someone I have just met. I still had a good time and smiled alot. They were playing salsa music, but I was singing Cardi B in my head, "I don't gotta dance, I make moooney moves."

While we're on the subject people that are douches and being uncomfortable, let me tell you a little about server life. A  couple of months ago, a young friend told me about a man who regularly comes into the restaurant where she works. He makes comments about her beauty, nothing lewd, and then he hands her $20. Keep in mind, she is not serving him food or getting him drinks or performing any sexual acts. He is essentially paying her for brightening his day with her smile.

Now, I've been waiting tables for three decades and I don't ever remember being so pretty that someone would throw money at me. However, in recent weeks, a man comes in to the restaurant where I work and gives me a twoonie with a certain amount of pomp and ceremony... just for being me, I guess. I do NOT take this as a compliment. It is not even remotely the same. The way in which this coin is slid into my hand, makes me want to use sanitizer. There's a well-defined line between respecting me as a person who provides a service by rewarding me with a gratuity versus straight up handing me chump change 'cos you think I'm a charity case who is easily flattered and wants a sugar daddy.

Life repeatedly throws shit at you like this - lonely times, negativity, disappointment, broke ass days, bad poutine, self-righteous pricks and slumlords. All indicators that you are heading in the right direction!

My mother didn't raise no Barbie doll. She brought out the candles when the power went out. She made us bundle up and turn on the oven when the heat got shut off. We had to boil water on Kerosene heaters for a sponge bath on more than one occasion. So, I have all the tools to keep me warm and clean as I sit here spewing out my nonsense... and rising against the wind.