1. It is about $30 cheaper for me to go out drinking at the bar between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. than to dab random numbers on foolscap between 6:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. By the time I bought Lightning Rounds, my reguar book of 16 cards, my 60/40 specials, my Winner-Takes-All specials, Bonanzas, Nevada tickets, 50/50 tickets, and extra jackpots... I'm about $50 more broke.
2. In order to get a seat at a Bingo hall, you have to arrive at LEAST an hour before the Lightning Rounds start. Even then, you will probably have to knock out someone's false teeth because they are either saving seats for a blue-haired friend, or they refuse to give up the seat they've been occupying for the last 20 years. Donna, Amanda and I arrived half an hour early and we had to sit in the leper section - the farthest table from the caller under a shitty, 15-inch, black-and-white television where the floor walkers can't get to in order to replace your Bonanza cards because there isn't any room to squeeze between the tables in the place. Clearly, fire code regulations are being ignored on Bingo night.
4. I used to be annoyed by people who insisted on yelling out "Clickety-Click" every time O 66 was called. Now, I am extremely annoyed by people who repeatedly yell out "Freedom!" every time G 55 is called. The first three times I heard someone exclaim, "Oh look! There's Freedom!", I thought they were talking about someone's 40-year-old love child that they hadn't seen in a long time, not a reference to London Life's 25-year-old, pipe dream slogan.
5. Bingo callers are among the most hated people on earth. I know that bitch, Linda, ruined my life on Tuesday night (j/k Linda!). I was set for the "any three lines" special (which is worth about a trillion dollars) and she called 10 more numbers before someone else won. I seriously thought about waiting in the parking lot for her. Hahaha. Funny thing is, I know I'm not the only one who thinks that way. The Bingo ladies get all kinds of bitchy when they don't win and I know there would be brawls out in the parking lot if they weren't in such a hurry to get to Tim Horton's.
6. Bingo callers-in-training are even more hated than Bingo callers who know better than to make a mistake. This is proven by the fact that Linda is the only one who has called a Bingo game at the Elk's for as long as I can remember. No one else can take the pressure or the abuse! It is an absolute criminal offence, punishable by public ridicule, to call anything under the Ns during a Letter X game. The crowd was pretty nice to the newby on Tuesday night, but they usually yell obscenities, scowl and shake they're heads whenever the caller is too quiet, too loud, too fast, too slow, doesn't call the number they want, calls the numbers someone else wants, or mispronounces a number.
 |
| Letter X = No Ns |
7. Don't give someone else the money to go and get more specials for you. I gave Donna my Loonie to buy more 60/40 Splits and she came back with all her extra cards and some 50/50 tickets. She said, "Look! I brought 50/50 tickets for us."
"But, where's my 60/40 Split?" I asked.
"Oh, I forgot. I wondered why I had an extra dollar. That's why I bought the 50/50 tickets," she said. "One sec, I 'll go get them for you." And, off she went through the crowds to get me my card. Five minutes later, she returns with Jackpot cards (not 60/40 Split cards) for me and Amanda. She was obviously very proud of herself for making it back before the break was over.
I just looked at Amanda with my mouth hanging open - like, "You just can't get good help these days!" I threw my chair back in disgust and pushed back to the front of the hall for my cards. Meanwhile, I could hear Donna saying, "What? What did I do?" and Amanda was laughing her ass off. I wasn't really disgusted, but I wanted to drive home the idea that a birthday had done nothing for her mental skills.
8. If I am ever wondering where my in-laws are, I can always find them on Tuesday nights at the Elks. My mother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece were all there. I also saw other friends and family I haven't seen in a long time. It was like Old Home Week. My mother-in-law couldn't help but make the comment, "Are you lost, found or stolen?" In other words, I haven't been visiting nearly enough lately, which is totally true and I need to get to Downes Avenue ASAP.
9. No matter how much you fiddle with the rabbit ears on a hard-wired, 15-inch, black-and-white television, it is not going to make that television stop flickering and going fuzzy. The rest of the tvs, that aren't in the leper section, work just fine because the wires are connected properly. Regardless, Johnny spent about 15 minutes standing over our table adjusting the rabbit ears with a hooked pole in an effort to bring in better reception. I'm just glad he was wearing dedorant.
10. The number 30 does not fall under the N column. It wasn't until the last three games that I realized I had been looking under the Ns every time a 30 was called. 30 actually falls under the Is. This might expalin why I didn't win anything.
Believe it or not, I can't wait to go back. I love Bingo ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment