For example - shopping for clothes is a requirement EVERY time you have a special function! I've been a bridesmaid a few times and, like Katherine Heigl, I've got a couple of dresses left over. Only worn once. Also, I've attended a Baptism, a couple of weddings, a couple of live shows, some staff parties and (unfortunately) a couple of funerals. Every time, I had to buy a new outfit or, at least, part of an outfit. I was so perplexed over which shirt to wear to my staff Christmas party that I consulted the masses via social networking.
So, my next dilemma was makeup. I have been reading the Cosmo and the Chatelaine lately and I have come to find out makeup can do a lot for a girl. It makes you look old if you're young, young if you're old, awake if your tired, dry if you're shiny, and all things in between. What I didn't know when I went shopping for it yesterday is how expensive it is! I spent $50 on makeup at Walmart and it took over an hour to decide what to get.
Thankfully, the cosmetic industry tried to make it easy for me. Yeah, right. I want one company, whether it's Covergirl, Revlon, Almay or Rimmell to just KISS it. Keep It Simple Stupid. If I have really pale skin, brown hair and blue eyes, and I want thicker-looking eyelashes and natural-looking lips, I should buy product A, B and C with products D and E. Too simple.
There's powder and matte and cream and even roll-on foundation. Some of it has minerals, some is age-erasing and some is hydrating. I don't know if it all does the same thing, but I bought some powder that came with a brush.
When I was a young girl, I bought one colour of eyeshadow (usually blue) and I put it on my eyelid... only punks and sluts spread it up to their eyebrows. (Those weren't my labels. Blame my generation). Twenty years later, I need an art degree and a surgeon's hand to apply eyeshadow! And, I get three or four different colours based on my eye colour.
Then there's the lips. OMG! It is obvious from the selection what women want from their lipsticks: last all day or longer, make lips plumper, make them conditioned (whatever that means) and glossy. You can get shiny, supershiny or solar powered. I'm sure if you applied some types of gloss, you would be visible as a bright light from a satellite in outer space. But, how on earth would you pick out the right shade? There are literally thousands of shades of lipsticks and I do NOT have an eye for colour. I read in the Chatelaine that nudes were popular this season, so I took their advice. Which is silly, because in that case I shouldn't wear any lipstick at all. :S
I have mascara and eyeliner. It's the only thing I truly know how to buy and apply by myself. I don't worry about what my mascara can "do", or whether I want my eyelashes full, long or sharp like stiletto heels. I do not believe mascara will make my eyes more blue or make my eyelashes longer and I don't want any other colour than black. I don't care what's in fashion.
I thought I was good to go until I got everything out of the packages in front of my vanity mirror. Powder first, right? Well, how do I get the powder from the jar ont my little brush? I tried shaking it out of the little holes like a salt shaker on to the brush, but that seemed time consuming. So, I poured some out on the counter and rubbed the brush into it. Unfortunately, that brush can hold a lot of powder. I was pretty sparkly from all those minerals on my face.
Next, I followed the step by step instructions on the back of my L'Oreal eyeshadow kit for blue eyes. The brown goes all over, the beige goes just under the eyebrow, the light blue goes in that crease above your eyeball and the dark blue goes along the top edge of the eyelashes. Easy peasy (Easy breezy is Covergirl, not L'Oreal)!That went better than I expected. I followed with my regular mascara and eyeliner routine.
For the lips, I got the Covergirl Outlast All Day Lipcolor in Nude because Chatelaine told me to. lol. I like it. The top coat smells nice.
I won't go in to bra shopping because a) I had that covered for this event and b) I don't have enough time to complain about bras today. Suffice it to say, the only woman who can wear a DDD at La Senza is a woman with an unmerited superiority complex. My friend, Helen, says those bras are made in China.
I did need to get a Spanx (in more ways than one ;) ) No time for that. lol. A Spanx is what is referred to as "slimming intimates" or "body shapers". They involve squeezing your fat ass into really tight tensor bandages so your rolls are less prone to fall out of your jeans. Ricki's had one for $35, Sears had one for $25 and Walmart had one for $13. Winner! I have seriously got to take a picture of myself in this ridiculous contraption. You will LYAO! It works alright, but somewhere after dinner I went to the bathroom and pulled the thighs too high so that the rubbery elastic was digging into my legs. I think I cut off the circulation for a while there. I wonder if those things could cause a blood clot?
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