...And Christmas continues

     For someone who hates Christmas as much as I do, I have really been dragging it out this year. Yesterday, I drove to Pickering with my mom to visit my nephew, Joe, and see his new house. The roads in Prince Edward County were ridiculous! It had snowed all night long and there were still whiteout conditions on County Road One. Big Rod was all freaked out that we were traveling, but my mom says, "Don't worry, Rodney. We will drive very slowly."
     I could hear the tension over the car's Bluetooth connection. I expected to hear, "I don't give a shit if you're stopped! You shouldn't be out on the f$#king roads today!" But, he held it in and we continued to drive.. very slowly.
     There were about 6 inches of snow on County Road One that had not been plowed. I heard the plows driving by my house all night long, so I know they were out. I guess they must have been keeping the drive-thru at Tim Horton's clean. By the time we got to Consecon, it was clear. Trenton was already starting to melt. We stopped to rendez-vous with my sister before getting on the 401.
     On the way, Mom and I discussed "Vaguary" - the Facebook event in which women are going to stop shaving their vaginas this month to raise awareness for ovarian and cervical cancers. It's also intended to be payback for "Movember" - in which men stopped shaving their moustaches to raise awareness for protstate cancer. I'm not sure Vaguary is going to take off with as much fervour as Movember. I just can't see myself getting a team of "vag hags" together for fundraising. More horrifying is the prospect of getting together with these women to have bearded clam contests (in which we decide who's pubic hair is longest and who's looks more like Osama Bin Laden) before publicly shaving it all off again.
     Now that my mother was up-to-date with the latest landscaping techniques, it was no time before we arrived in Pickering. Joe lives in a lovely neighbourhood just north of the 401. I was very jealous. Within 5 minutes of the Liverpool Road exit, I saw 5 restaurants I wanted to try. Plus, his new house has a big backyard (for city standards), a covered deck, a basement apartment and a private deck on the second floor. Congrats to Joe and Claire... you've made me green with envy.
     They also have two dogs. Dewey has grown alot since I last saw him. He's a Puggle (Pug/Beagle cross), which means he looks like a brown Bulldog. Patrick, on the other hand, is a Beagle (I think) with some kind of brain tumor or other neurological disorder. Imagine giving a dog a 6-pack of beer then tying one of his front teeth to his left front paw - that would be poor Patrick. He gets so excited to have company...
    
Hold on a sec. I am distracted today by a mouse in my cupboard. The goddamn thing is scratching and chewing so loudly, it is freaking me out. It can't be a little mouse. I'm sure it's the size of a capybara. I have pulled out all of my frigging pots and pans, I've kicked the walls and I just got out the vacuum to suck up the huge mouse turds. It's driving me frickin' cuckoo! Very soon, I am going to go get the sledge hammer and plow through the back of the cupboard just so I can grab the big bastard by the tail and throw him out in the snow. My goddamn cat (who I love dearly) is passed out on the back of the couch. URGH!

     Aaaaaanyway, Patrick gets so excited to have company, he runs towards you like a toddler on a sailboat in rough water. He tries to jump up on you, loses control of his legs and falls flat on his face. It's both heartbreaking and hilarious at the same time.
     We left the dogs to go to lunch at Mandarin Buffet, but they are closed between 3 and 5, so we had to kill some time. Joe and I were starving, so we grabbed shawarma at Pita Delights on Kingston Road. It may be that I haven't had good Lebanese food for a long time, but that falafel was the best I've ever had! Apparently, they make them fresh - not from a mix. And, they had some crazy, green hot sauce on there, too. We spoke with Imad, the owner. He told me his name in Arabic means "the pillars or columns that hold up really big buildings". I said his father must have wanted him to be the strong one in his family and he gave me a cute little wink and nod. He also said if I can promise him that all 4200 people in Picton will come and buy a shawarma every day, he will open a shop here. So I am going to start a petition.

     Joe and I wanted to check out the Bismillah Halal Meat Market, but we never did go in. My mother, my sister and my brother-in-law are not fans of Indian meats. That will have to be a blog for another day. I don't like Pickering Town Centre. It doesn't have an Old Navy, so I couldn't use all my Christmas gift cards. It does have a PJ's Pet Store where you can buy a domestic cat for $199.99! Holy shit! 200 bucks for a cat!? People in Prince Edward County will pay YOU to take kittens off their hands -unless they're using them for Muskie bait. They're certainly no good for killing mice in your cupboards ;)
     They also had mutts for sale for $1200 and up. That's right. Mutts. If it isn't purebread, it's a mutt. Doesn't matter what kind of fancy name is attached to it. It's still a mixed breed and, therefore, it's a mutt. I love mutts and I would love to own one. But, I am NOT paying that kind of money for something that doesn't come with a long pedigree and a tattoo by Kat Von D.
     Mandarin Buffet is alright. I like all the selection, but I always leave feeling like I just ate a ton of Elmer's Glue and peach jam. The best things I tried were the baked salmon (even though it had a shit ton of teriyaki sauce on it) and the rice pudding. Mom likes the warm, lemon-scented cloth they give you at the end of the meal.