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| Me in my tannng goggles |
My daughter invited me to meet her in Belleville this afternoon for some fake tanning. Now, this is not my first time in the tanning booth. I used to go to the stand-ups at Added Touch in Picton about 4 years ago. I remember the first time I went in for about 7 minutes. I was sooo hot, I had no protective glasses and I couldn't hear any music above the sound of the sun machine. I just kept my eyes closed tight and held my boobs up with my hands so I wouldn't get the big half moon shaped tan on my upper belly. I kept myself occupied by counting to 420 and seeing how close I could come to the timer. I didn't use any fancy bronzer or tan enhancer and I got a pretty good tan after my fifth visit. I was at least not as pasty as I am naturally. However, I do feel that my first time in that sweltering heat gave me the shits for some reason.
Luckily, the tanning beds at Palm Beach Mega Tan did not have the same affect today. I am not the biggest fan of indoor tanning, but if you are looking for something interesting to do in the dark days of February, you could definitely try it out. Cost me $6.40 today for 3 - five minute sessions plus a pair of protective goggles. That's defs in my budget.
All you need to do is fill out this little bullshit form. It's similar to a quiz you might fill out in the Cosmopolitan, except you're adding up your points to see how burn-resistant you are instead of how likely your relationship is going to fail or whether you are more lesbian than heterosexual. Next thing I know, I'm sitting in a comfy leather couch waiting for my turn to burn. The receptionist called my name when a room came free and told me which room number to go into. I had to take my boots off outside the room. Then, I went in, locked the door, got undressed, lathered myself with some suntan lotion.... oh wait. I forgot to tell you about that part.
You will never believe it. I was there and I still don't believe it. When we were signing up for our session, Alexis took some time picking out the bronzing lotion. She eventually went with the less expensive one, which I thought was silly because she wanted the more expensive one. What's a couple of bucks for some suntan lotion, right? The receptionist swiped her Mastercard and mumbled that it would be 66 something-something. WTF!? $66 for some Coppertone? I coughed. Actually, I pertnear choked. Alex explained, "That's why I didn't get the more expensive one. I can't afford $88 for a few extra bronzers. But, I don't want to look like leather." The receptionist also defended the price. She said it was Swedish and it was essential to get the most out of the tanning experience.
I personally don't give a fuck if it was from Krypton. I'll take my damn chances with some extra virgin olive oil. However, I did slather it on me before hopping into my big, glass bed. I paid particular attention to my nipples - they only see ultraviolet light when I go skinny dipping in Cressy once every July and I don't want to damage the poor girls. That would put a damper on my sex life fore sure.
I pushed my green "GO" button and pulled the coffin-like lid down while trying to balance my little eye goggles and keep my ass from folding underneath me. Ass-folding causes more of those half moon tan lines that I don't want. I was comfortable - not too hot because the high speed fan at my feet. And, I got to listen to Janet Jackson. "All my girls at the party. Look at that body. Shakin' that thing like you never did see. Got a nice package alright. Guess I'm gonna have to ride it tonight." That's a filthy little song, Miss Jackson!
I was finished before I knew it. Put my stuff on and walked out. I felt a little heady and energetic. I don't know if it was the Vitamin D or the heat or what. But, I ended up walking over to Future Shop and picking out a Pandigital Novel; an Android powered eReader similar to the iPad for only $199... plus $15 cover and $40 warranty. I left with $265 more to owe on my credit card and I don't know how it happened. Alexis raced across the parking lot to stop me (I had texted her to say I was buying something cool, but she was still getting her bronze on). Apparently, I have a sunlight deficiency that keeps me sane. A little bit of unnatural light makes me crazy.
I nearly puked on the way home. Buyer's remorse, I guess. I didn't even open the box when I got home and I expect I will return the toy tomorrow :(
To counteract my excess sun and heat, I decided to go tobogganning with Amanda and her family. It was great. She bought a couple of blow up, rubber snow tubes and they run like snot! Plus, they are super comfy. We made quite a slippery slope and broke all the records of our last excursion. In fact, Amanda and Donna went so far on the Krazy Karpet, they came close to sliding over the edge of the hill into the drink. Amanda's 3-year-old was hilarious. She was a champ at holding on to the sled no matter what happened, but her favourite thing was to roll down the hill like a puffy, red tumbleweed.
I got a little crazy again and decided to try going down the hill standing up on my shitty, little snowboard. I thought I was doing a hell of a stroke of business for the first five or six feet. Then, I pulled up on the string too hard and BLAMMO! Fell back on my left wrist and my left hip. I went down a couple of more times, but I knew I was going to feel the pain later. Sure enough, here I sit after watching Wall Street (which was confusing and boring, btw) writhing in pain from my wrist to my shoulder with a tender toosh and a bruised knee (?). I would describe myself as "bwave", just like Amanda's 3-year-old felt as she gripped the handles on the snow tube and spun out of control down the hill. But, I just feel "ouchy".
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